So when you are in the checkout line and you see those tabloids right beside as the elderly lady who looks like the crypt keeper buys four 30 pound bags of dog food for her Schitzu "mittens", takes seven years to write a check to the disinterested teen behind the register. Those tabloids are an impulse buy for sure. Most of them are talking about who's gay, who might be gay, who's dating who, what actor cheated on another actor with another actor, and so on and so forth. Then you see it, the pinnacle of tabloids, the true and real news of the world. The Weekly World News. Hard hitting stories like BatBoy and how "the U.S. government found the garden of Eden and grew a tree from a seed". From 1979 to 2007 and the relaunched in 2009 as a internet only publication, The Weekly World News blew our minds with great stories, but we are here to talk about one of those great stories and that is BatBoy.
Now BatBoy has had a very exciting life from being found deep in a cave to many illustrious escapes to even helping stop a dictator. BatBoy became so famous in fact that he has his own broadway musical which is of course a completely fictional telling of his life and death.
He has publicly come out as jewish and he has even been married and had children but most importantly he has helped us as a nation.
BatBoy joined up with the marines to help our war on terror to stop Saddam in Iraq. Despite being hunted by the FBI we owe this 2 foot tall terror a debt of gratitude. If it were not for BatBoy we may still be fighting Saddam today.
Also because of BatBoy we now know that Santa is real seeing as BatBoy bit him and turned him into a vampire. We know this because of our great friends at The Weekly World News. Despite his act of heroism he is still hunted by the FBI.
Now because of a prestigious publication such as the Weekly World News we know about this real life hero. We know about this jewel of our nation. Who cares who married what famous person. Who cares about what actor cheated on Jennifer Aniston with the flying spaghetti monster. Who cares that Hillary Clinton named Bigfoot as her running mate. We need to free BatBoy. He needs to be pardoned. He needs to be acknowledged as the hero he is. I personally can not wait to see where he goes next!
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